There outta be a law against me.

5/4/2008 7:16:16 AM

I admit it I am a criminal! I am a thief. I stand as accused, Javier.

This confession comes only after software designing companies have bludgeoned it out of me.

I have recently purchased a Mac Book Pro. I normally steer as clear of brand name proclamation as I do of political discussions. For many of the same reasons. All claims are spurious and unimportant, But the OS change from Windows to OS X is some of the problem I am about to discuss.

I began shifting software to the new computer mid last week. I expected a nightmare and I got a nightmare. I have not yet completed my descent and have yet to see a Virgil around to help me. All is phantasm and horror. A couple toothy wolves and a panther attacked late this morning.

Sure the software loaded in a tame enough manner.  At the last "load a computer orgy" a couple years ago I actually took all earlier install discs that I could find and placed them in the box that contained the latest edition of  that particular software. It made for some very thick stuffed cardboard containers and a bunch of black magic marker magic over the software logo, but it paid off like the money roll of a carny shill at the chuck-a-luck wheel this time around. I had proof of purchase!

Now that I think of it, I am amazed that the confirmation process before any installation doesn’t include using some of the 5 1/4" Floppy Discs of the my original Win386 installation. Of course, there really doesn’t seem to be much play for my DOS copy of DBase IV. Oh, dear, I hope I haven’t let slip to these software providers another idea for a torture to use on the way to our perdition.

So I had gathered my forces. But I never reckoned with activation.

It is hard to do, but I must at this juncture still remind myself that it was my dollars (mostly as the cliche demands, hard earned) that bought these programs, but what do my dollars matter against INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY?

The install discs loaded. I accepted the terms, without which the program would not work and I would have spent my earnings on but a dream. Did the companies every think to ask this question of agreement to terms before you put our credit card number on the line and click Proceed? Then I arduously with fat finger typed the ridiculous serial numbers with dashes designed so that you just can’t copy and paste . The program itself installed itself admirably. Then it booted and started.

The first screen was an activation screen. "Do you", it asked with a cloying kind of guile and innocence, "want to activate this program online."

"Do I", I asked each time, "have any choice?"

Send in the activation by Pony Express? I activated! Online!

Time and again, even though I only have most of this existing software loaded on one computer, I was told that all the activation slots were filled and that I would have to deactivate my copy on the other machine.

Who filled the slots? Why are there slots?

I scrupulously deactivated my offending copy!

In almost no case did it work. Now, I have to email or call during regular hours and have a conversation about the fact that I did nothing wrong other than pay my money and religiously buy the upgrades. Foolish me!  I wanted the software I purchased and upgraded to be usable as well.

My mind began to work in overclock. How the hell had I had managed to fill those damned slots of activation? I spend the nights sleepless, spinning.

I think part of the problem is that I wanted in many cases to change the software from Windows OS to Mac OS. Was ever there a crime more heinous in this country? I can’t even imagine what it could be. The perfidious box that contains the software in every instance about which I am writing claimed to support both Windows and Mac.

Were these claims written by home land security to entrap really bad guys like me?

I have concluded on my way to the gallows that I must be guilty. I tick the points off on my fingers and everything points to me. So learn from me brothers and sisters. Buy a computer, but think twice about getting any software. It will lead you to a life of crime as sure as it did me. Better you should download and find some cracks. You don’t have to activate them.